Happy New Year

Happy New Year to one and all. Hope 2006 brings good things, and that you are all enjoying your New Years Eve.

Now What?

Alright, so I'm officially finished with my first semester in graduate school. Now I have free time, its just....what do I do with it all??

Actually I've got lots of things up my sleeve. I'm finally going to be able to sit down and play a computer game I've been keeping aside called "The Movies". I also want to try and put together a short screenplay for a contest that is being made available to BU students (Grand Prize: $2000 and a trip to LA to meet producers and studio execs etc....)

Other than that I plan on using my free passes to the Brattle and HFA to go see as many movies as possible, so keep your eyes peeled on the IRB page...now that I have time there should be a lot of reviews being posted in the next couple of weeks.

Really though, its amazing how quickly time has passed. It seems like just yesterday that I was on a plane flying out here, eager to start on my master's degree. One quick blink and its 4 and half months later.......I'm reminded of a recent Godard film that we watched called In Praise of Love. In the film one of the characters says "Isn't it interesting, in fact, how things only take on meaning once they are about to end." To which the reply is "That's because history is coming in with a big 'H'". But even beyond that I particularly like the idea that "In order to think of something, one must think of something else".

So basically I'm just writing 'something'.....any way, to all my friends in Colorado and elsewhere, I hope you all are doing well and have a Merry Christmas and New Year. I wish I could come back to visit everyone, but financially it didn't work out.

....oh and the picture is of my friends and classmates out to lunch with our professor to celebrate the end of the semester.

Finished!

I finished my last paper a couple of hours ago, and what a relief it is. I'm really not sure how it turned out, although I know I can definitely say I put a lot of thought and effort into the paper, and I think that is evident upon reading it.

Either way, I'm finished and its a wonderful feeling. I turn everything in tomorrow, and then ....I'll actually have personal time for the next month...I swear that is a foreign concept at this point.

Any way, to anyone who reads this....CHEERS!

Almost There

Well,
I've managed to finish two of my final papers for the semester. My brain is twisted and fried in ways I didn't think possible, but somehow I am still functioning hehe.

That leaves me tomorrow and the weekend to knock out my remaining final paper which should be a sufficient amount of time.

I've already rescreened both films I'm writing the final paper on and taken a fair amount of notes on scenes I think I'd like to include in the paper. So a lot of the work is already done.

There is light at the end of the tunnel! Now I just have to reach it.

Any way, this is a pretty inane post I guess, but hey it's my blog!

I will be celebrating Monday night, you can believe that....if I manage to make it that is.

Clarification

Just wanted to clarify my previous post. I'm fine, really. It's been a hard weekend, and there is a lot of stuff going on that was getting to me, however I don't necessarily feel exactly like what I wrote. It was a creative piece I did (I thought the italics would clue in on that a little) where I just kind of explored the depths of the base emotions I was feeling. It was the only way I could think of to stop my mind from going in viscous circles about everything I was stressing over.

Really I feel everyone has moments where they truly feel what I wrote last night, and it was something I needed, personally, to put into words in my own inept way.

..oh and the title of the post was a reference to the Beatles song "I'm So Tired"..."I'm so tired/I haven't slept a wink/I'm so tired/my mind is on the brink/I think I might get up and make myself a drink/No No No/I'm so tired....

I'm so tired

I sit here and stare at my computer screen, images flowing through my mind in viscous circles. I play every bittersweet song I have, each one flowing over me in a painful caress, cathartic and destructive in one pretty package.

Life seems to me a misery more often than not. Something you simply grin and bare, hoping you’ll make it through the day. Maybe you smile, or even laugh, but inside the laughter rings hollow. It’s simply a costume assumed in the hopes you can trick yourself into believing that everything is actually ok.

When is anything ok? As time goes on, the few bright moments seem to be slowly get shoved aside by those moments no one should ever have to experience.

I stop to sing the lyrics of the music. Desperately pushing out every word, hoping that the emotions I feel will go with it. It doesn’t work.

Do you ever wonder if you were meant to live in this world? I do every day. Where do you see yourself in five years? That’s the million dollar question we’re asked. I don’t know where I’ll be in five years, but I find it difficult to imagine that it is anywhere good.

Why bother sharing who you really are with other people? In the end it is a road the leads to pain. No one is truly interested in knowing the real person behind the façade. No you need to be always careful to present a nice, perfect package. You have to be fun, entertaining, always willing to listen, but never expect to be able to share your own feelings, fears, or personal thoughts and views.

I should go to bed and get some sleep. But sleep is no reprieve. The thoughts and emotion haunt me in my dreams. That’s if I could fall asleep, instead of lying there entombed in a black emptiness, wrapped in a blanket spun from the knowledge I am all alone. If only I could float away, ethereal and non-existent, silent and forgotten…