Reality Hijinx

The overflow of reality television series has been well documented, however I can't escape the fact that the total absurdity that usually flows from these programs provides great writing material. Everyone wants to be a celebrity these days, although I wonder sometimes if that's the best wish someone could want. Either way combine that with the 32 variations of CSI on the air and you've just described ninety percent of what is on television at any given moment.

In that vein I thought it would be fun to post a quick 2-3 minute sketch that I wrote. Nothing serious really, just a something I could envision being a great commercial sketch along the lines of the ones that used to be used on SNL.

Celebrity CSI
Voice Over: Next week on Celebrity CSI.
Close up of an alarm clock. The red second hand ticks towards the 12. Alarm goes off. The sounds of someone awakening off camera can be heard.

Voice of Elton John: Ah hm- What!? Who are you? How did you get-

Muffled Voice: Shut up. I’m here to kill you.

EJ: And they say I have an anger problem.

Muffled Voice: I’m cursed by my creativity. It was either you or Gary Busey, and frankly he scares me.

Gun shots are heard. Alarm clock continues to ring until several bullets hit it.

Voice over: In a case only the crew of Celebrity CSI could handle, who silenced the voice of “Crocodile Rock”?

Regis Philbin can be seen sitting in a chair, paper in hand. Madonna is opposite of him, arms handcuffed together behind her back, bits of a bullet riddled alarm clock are sealed in a bag that slowly swings back and forth in front of her face. Behind her sits Ashlie Simpson, eating pretzels and reading a book entitled "The Actor's Guide to Acid Reflux".

RP: Come on Madonna. I’m not going anywhere. This isn’t hard JUST ANSWER the QUESTION!

Madonna: What was it again?

RP: How would you rate your distaste for Elton John? A)mild B)so/so C)strong D)extreme

Madonna: D

RP: Is that you final answer?

Madonna: C? No wait! Can I use my lifeline?

Voice Over: Follow the team as they uncover layers of hatred never before explored on Television, each twist more surprising than the next! The final surprise revealing a discovery so profound you’ll be left gasping for air!

Anna Nicole Smith is seen sitting on a chair surrounded by empty bags of pretzels, licking the last few crumbs out of her hair.

ANS: These pretzels ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY!!!
She notices the camera and quickly brushes pretzel bags away from her.
ANS: Eh eh hmm. (with a big smile) Trim Spa BABY!

Tune in next Thursday at 8:00.