The Spam Spaghetti Experiment

Being unemployed comes with many benefits. I have no boss. Rush hour traffic is a non-issue, unless I'm watching all the poor bastards on the road in front of my house moving at the insanely quick speed of 2 feet per minute. I have plenty of time to work out all the problematic issues facing society. I can afford to spend a half an hour debating whether I want to discover, yet again, what happens when you mix tuna with mayonnaise or get really daring and discover what explosion of flavors occur when you mix Ragu spaghetti sauce, Spam, Tobasco sauce and your pasta of choice (all rumors that my daring food exploits are a direct result of my dangerously low bank account balance are exactly that, rumors). Did I already mention that I have copious amounts of free time?

Now I know what question you, with baited breath, are wanting answered: With all this free time what stupendous things have I been up to? Other than the aforementioned Spam spaghetti experiment and delving into the dark, twisted and delusional mind of a roommate whose name will go unmentioned (see Adam I told you I'd keep your identity hidden) I've spent an entirely unhealthy amount of time watching both seasons of a little show called Heroes.

Yes, Heroes. Common chumps finding out they aren't so common (well ok, maybe they are seeing as more and more super powered individuals come out of the wood work as the show progresses) and watching them flail about their lives much in the way I fidget about on the floor of our furniture-less apartment (I continue to think that by moving two inches to the left I will have discovered a miraculously cushion-like portion of the wall and the secret patch of floor that won't make my ass go numb in under 5 minutes). Before I go any further though, I have to say I like the show - I really do. Why else would I watch all of the second season episodes in one sitting? (Please keep all 'witty' comments referring to my illustrious status in the job world to yourself. I'm living the dream, and that's that.)

That being said, I have to fight the urge to scream at the writers usually at least once per episode. Is anyone else sick of Sylar? His constant whining about not being special makes me secretly wish he accidentally bumps into Samuel L. Jackson on the street, who then proceeds to pummel enough of his brain cells out of existence that he really becomes "special".

Actually, the more I think about it, its as if the writers came to an agreement that a character's whining quotient must increase in direct relation to the amount of powers said character has. Exhibit A: Peter Patrelli. I don't think I need to say more. Personally, I think it was a bad idea to give any one more than one power, but then the writers would have had to come up with more ideas for super powers and its not like they have had an abundance of those. At this point, three characters can regenerate, and three characters can fly.

And I have my issues with 'The Company' as well. Mysterious organizations have been done in many forms, but the one that comes to the forefront of my mind, and maybe it is because they were both NBC shows, is 'The Center' in The Pretender. In fact, part of me keeps hoping that Jarod will just show up one episode, teach Peter how to control his powers and make him realize that with everything he already can do he has no reason to be whining about anything. Of course Peter will be shocked by Jarod's prowess and ask him "You're an absorbing powers super hero too", to which Jarod will respond, "I am today". However, I digress. 'The Center' was a great example of writing a mysterious organization into a show, and maintaining that mystery while keeping it interesting. It's something Heroes toyed with but utterly gave up on, giving everything away in season 2.

Things for future discussion:
-the finer points of continuity
-gaping plot holes
-the utter lack, amongst the characters, of common sense
-the writers seeming belief that the average American TV viewer has such a horrible memory he or she can't even remember what occurred fifteen minutes earlier in the same episode. (Ok. They may be on to something there.)

This is what I would like to see happen in future episodes:
-Sylar nukes the Eastern seaboard, but in the process burns out a large portion of his brain pathways, rendering him feeble and powerless. He will become a "motivational" speaker at prisons throughout Nevada.
-Parker opens a bar in Las Vegas because he realizes the only place he's not tempted to use his powers to influence the minds of others is a bar in Vegas, post-apocalyptic style. Who wouldn't want to just keep buying drinks. Molly wanted him to be a therapist, but after failing to prevent Sylar from going nuclear, he's just not that "into" the idea.
-Claire: Claire is a huge draw at Parker's bar. Turns out that the only thing that people in Vegas want to see more than Cirque de Soleil is the newest way that's been cooked up to watch Claire die and then regenerate.
-Hiro: Hiro always seems to screw up the space/time continuum so Parker decided his father needed company.
-Nathan: Nathan is Parker's biggest customer. All he can do is fly, and so can everyone else it seems. (edit: its been brought to my attention that Nathan dies in the last episode of season 2, sorry if that just ruined it for you, but my defense is: who really stays dead in this show?)
-Peter forms an Emo band- by himself. Biggest selling point? He can teleport like Hiro AND fly so he can play anywhere any time...literally.

What's that you ask? The name of Peter's band? Well, The Spam Spaghetti Experiment, of course.